The Side of Parenthood We Don’t Talk About Enough
May is Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Month. During this month, and all months we are bringing awareness, reducing the stigma and supporting individuals navigating the emotional and psychological challenges that we can face during pregnancy and postpartum.
Pregnancy and parenthood are often portrayed as joyful and exciting experiences; however, they can also bring emotional, physical, hormonal, relational and identity related challenges. For many, individuals can experience feelings of overwhelm, isolation, confusion and intense feelings of emotions. Both emotions and experiences can be true and can also co-exist. This can look like being overly joyed with your baby and grieving your old life.
What is Perinatal?
Perinatal refers to the period of pregnancy up until 1-2 years postpartum. Individuals can experience emotional stress at any point during this timeframe and can impact mothers or the birthing parents, partners, adoptive parents, surrogate parents, and non-birthing caregivers.
Challenges Faced during Perinatal Period
Perinatal mental health concerns can include:
Anxiety
Depression
Panic attacks
OCD symptoms
Birth trauma
PTSD
Rage or irritability
Grief and loss
Difficulty bonding
Intrusive thoughts
Identity struggles
Emotional numbness
Overwhelm and burnout
These experiences can range from mild to severe and may look different from person to person and even pregnancy to pregnancy or postpartum from the same individual.
One of the biggest barriers to seeking support is shame as many individuals report feeling:
Guilty for struggling
Confused by difficult emotions
Afraid of being judged
Ashamed they are not “enjoying every moment”
Worried they are failing as a parent
Societal pressure can contribute that parenthood should feel naturally fulfilling all the time adds to the shame. However, that isn’t reality and two things can be true at once: you can deeply love your child and still struggle emotionally.
Understanding Postpartum Anxiety and OCD
When people think about postpartum mental health, they often think only about depression. However, anxiety and OCD are also extremely common.
Some individuals experience:
Constant worry something bad will happen
Racing thoughts
Difficulty sleeping even when exhausted
Repetitive checking
Intrusive thoughts about harm coming to the baby
Fear of making mistakes
Hypervigilance
Intrusive thoughts can feel particularly distressing because they are often unwanted and deeply opposite to the parent’s values. Many people fear that having the thought means something negative about them, however it’s important to remember intrusive thoughts are common and do not mean someone wants to act on them.
The Nervous System and Parenthood
Parenthood can place enormous demands on the nervous system:
Sleep deprivation
Hormonal shifts
Increased responsibility
Physical recovery
Identity changes
Sensory overload
Constant caregiving
For individuals with prior trauma, anxiety, perfectionism, or limited support systems, these stressors can become even more overwhelming.
This is why it’s important that support doesn’t just focus on “coping better,” but also on nervous system regulation, rest, connection to your support system, and reducing unrealistic expectations.
Helpful Tools for Perinatal Mental Health
1. Lower the Pressure of “Perfect”
Parenthood does not require perfection. It requires support, repair, flexibility, and enough safety for both parent and child. Reflect on where you are placing unrealistic expectations on yourself and if you would speak to another parent the way you speak to yourself.
2. Prioritize Nervous System Care
Basic needs matter deeply. Even small moments of regulation can support emotional resilience. Sometimes meeting one basic need can shift how overwhelming things feel. When things feel hard, pause and ask: “Have I checked in with SELF today?”:
S — Sleep
Sleep supports emotional regulation, concentration, memory, and patience.
Check in: How much sleep am I getting lately? Is my sleep interrupted, shortened, or restless?
Gentle reminders: Even rest (laying down, eyes closed, quiet moments) helps.
E — Exercise or Movement
Movement helps regulate stress, mood, and energy. It does not need to be intense or structured.
Check in: Have I moved my body at all today? Did I stretch, walk, dance, or change positions?
Gentle reminders: Small movements count. Movement can happen with children present
L — Laughter or Enjoyment
The brain needs moments of joy, play, and connection to reset.
Check in: Have I laughed, smiled, or felt enjoyment today? When was the last time something felt even slightly light?
Gentle reminders: Enjoyment does not need to be earned. Laughter can be quiet, silly, or shared.
F — Food or Nutrition
The brain requires steady fuel to think clearly and manage emotions.
Check in: Have I eaten recently? Am I hydrated?
Gentle reminders: Regular food matters more than “perfect” food. Snacks count.
3. Reduce Isolation
Perinatal struggles often thrive in silence. Support may look like:
Therapy
Support groups
Honest conversations
Asking for practical help
Letting trusted people in
Connection can be protective.
4. Watch for “Silent” Symptoms
Not everyone looks visibly distressed. Some signs that additional support may be needed include:
Persistent anxiety
Feeling emotionally numb
Rage or irritability
Avoidance
Constant fear
Feeling disconnected from yourself
Intrusive thoughts that feel overwhelming
Feeling like you are “surviving” rather than living
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Many parents hold themselves to impossible standards while navigating one of the biggest life transitions imaginable. Self-compassion provides the opportunity to recognizing that you are human and these feelings do not determine your worth or ability as a parent.
Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Month is not only about raising awareness, but also about reminding individuals that they do not have to struggle silently. Parenthood can be beautiful and deeply challenging at the same time. There is room for joy, grief, exhaustion, love, fear, and uncertainty to coexist.
If you are struggling during pregnancy or postpartum, you are not alone and support is available.
🌱www.fortitudewellnessjourney.com
📞 705-770-1694